I keep logging in on here, all ready to write something and then going to type, feeling defeated and going on Facebook or something equally unproductive. It's not as if there aren't a million working parts or ideas to talk about, it's just that lately, it feels like what's the point?
I'm not referring to the marriage, I love J-Cakes with all my heart. And I'm not talking about the blog, I like looking at this stuff and I love hosting parties so it's fun. I mean the wedding. Why go through all of this? Every time I get a few steps ahead with planning, I hit a huge block in the road when the price tag presents itself. It's not as if we're incredibly demanding, but it feels like our budget is almost laughable and so many people feel the need to express their opinions about how whatever we're doing it wrong.
"Make sure you serve meat"
"I know you guys are vegetarian, but you better have meat"
"You can't just do heavy appetizers, people expect full dinner if they're coming ALL the way there"
"You have to have a full bar or people will be really upset"
"People will be unhappy if they have to pay for cabs to get to the wedding"
"Do you really want to have a band play, what if people don't like the music?"
"It's not really a marriage unless it's done in the church, in front of the eyes of God"
It's no longer a surprise to me that the days of having really big weddings have gone by the wayside. Who wants to spend a year of their life or longer doing everything they can to make a personalized and welcoming wedding reception to celebrate their love with their closest friends and family, only to feel like crap in the end? We're really doing the best we can, but most days, it feels like no matter what that is, it won't be good enough.
Somedays, I am even convinced that on the day it all comes together, someone is going to say something snotty or rude about the way things were done and I'm going to overhear it and just fall to pieces. Just start sobbing or second-guessing everything we have worked so hard on all this time. I have always work hard to make people feel welcome, and I really feel like good hospitality is a lost art and friends and family should be treated like the important people they are. To think that on one of the biggest days of our lives, after three years of working on how to make this all happen, I might fall to pieces over one rude remark may sound silly, but that's just the person I am.
Today's one of those days, where I feel like giving up.